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Topic : 02/22 Wedding Wars

Number of Replies: 276
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Created on : Friday, February 17, 2006, 03:13:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

A wedding is supposed to be a time of celebration, but sometimes, planning for that special day can divide a family. Pat feels that her son, Steve’s, fiancée is not good enough for him. She thinks Kim is selfish, narcissistic and trying to turn Steve against his own family. Pat hopes she can convince her son that he’s about to marry the wrong woman before it’s too late. Then, when Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, last appeared on the show, Jeanne claimed that Rachel’s Bridezilla ways were destroying their relationship. Rachel’s motto was: “It’s my wedding day, and the bride is always number one!” After they left the show, Rachel refused to speak to Jeanne and demanded an apology. Will this mother and daughter see eye to eye before Rachel gets on the plane to move away for good? And, what is the one thing Rachel really needs from her mother? Join the discussion.


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February 22, 2006, 6:35 am CST

Things have been worked out

Hi everyone! This is Kim that was on the show. I wanted to let everyone know that Pat, Steve, and I have worked everything out since the show. We are getting along great now! 

February 22, 2006, 6:36 am CST

happy-happy joy-joy

Quote From: romeodog

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.
Call me sadistical if you will, but when others are at each others throat and in each others lives that much, it makes me happy that I have the family I do. It makes me laugh when parents and friends think they can control someone elses life like like that. Have the faith that you gave your kids thae right guidance and that they are responsible enough to make their own decissions. After all, are they over 18?  Are they adults?  You are living your life let them live theirs. If it's not meant to be it will not last. I too had a mother-in-law that did not like me. Do to mine and my husbands doing the marriage did not last. She had nothing to do with it at all. This I'm sure of.
February 22, 2006, 6:56 am CST

mother vs. wife

Boy, yesterdays show on control fit my marriage, but this is the topic I , like others , waited for.  My MIL disowned my son for about 6 yrs. due to me.  When I met her , she "-" told me that this was her son and he will do what she says, when she says, and how she says.  I looked at my love of my life and said "How old are you?"  He was in his 40's at the time.  Well, he left with her, not me, and I thought that was the end.  But he came back.  We lived, married happily for about 6 yrs. when she entered our life again.  We discussed this, and he said he would not allow her to control him again, but wanted to have his mom back into his life.  Well, as mentioned in my writings yesterday, 15 yrs. together, 13 married, and she has distroyed my marriage.  Although, she did allow me on her property, finally, she drove me off with her perfume, wearing tons of it, knowing I am allergic to it.  I got tired of being sick all the time, as her game planned worked.  My husband continued to go without me.  Now we share the week.  Her being 3-4 days for them.  And the tv and beer tap getting the remaining nights and days.  She has convinced him into taking me off the checkbook, even when I had automatic deposits of my checks, the charge cards, and that our grandchildren are not his, as they are not blood, that our home is not in his name so why put money into it.  Need I say, he hasn't fixed anything or done anything around here since.  He works at her home, puts money into fixes at her home, mows her lawn ( I do ours), etc,.   My advice to this couple is not to waste alot of time on the fighting.  This mother needs to get a life.  Love the moments you do spend with him, and hopefully her, but continueing like you are will only push them farther away.  He sounds pretty mature, hopefully he won't let his mom and dad control him.  Like her, I understand grandma didn't approve of my father-in- law either.  You would think she would of learned something from that.   So MOM< if you feel like you don't have enough of your son now, keep doing what you're doing, and it will end up less.  If this continues to divide the couple, don't waste the years, get out.  As for yesterdays control program- this never started until she came back into his life.  Can't wait to finish reading what others think.
February 22, 2006, 7:10 am CST

Jeanne and Rachel

I feel so sorry for Rachel.  Her mother seems overbearing and has a need to outshine her daughter.  Rachel's dreams for her wedding are important and should not be mocked on national TV with a violin motion by her own mother!  If Jeanne is a second grade teacher, I wouldn't want my child in her class.  If Rachel were trying to spend more money than her parents could afford, that is another situation, but Rachel didn't seem to want a Princess Di type wedding.  She just wanted things her way which is normal.  I feel very fortunate that my mother is my best friend, and she was very supportive and helpful in planning my wedding.  If I chose it, my mother thought it was beautiful.   


I don't believe Jeanne was sincere about being proud of her daughter.  I think Rachel does need validation from her mother, and has never gotten it.  Rachel, go as fast as you can to Hawaii!  Work it out long distance if possible.   

February 22, 2006, 7:13 am CST

Grow Up

Watching the slide show of Pat/Steve/Kim was enough to get me going. 


Kim: My heart goes out. As far as I can tell, the only thing you've done wrong is get involved with someone who has a manipulative, control-freak momma. I hope Steve can see through her. Otherwise, you may need to re-think things. Unfortunately (I know from experience), 99 times out of 100, the manipulator does not change; why should they?  


Steve: Please be man enough to not accept the backbiting from your mother. It was very telling when you mentioned that your mother basically hasn't liked most, if not all, of your girlfriends. Again, this is a strong indicator of a control freak who refuses to let go. Remember, you are an adult who, assuming you momma raised you right, is capable of making major life decisions and accepting the consequences. If you are not as devout a churchgoer as your parents, that's your choice (not necessarily Kim's). Also, please, for the sake of your marriage, don't be at your mother's beck and call, regardless of how much she whines/backbites your wife/threatens. I have seen this dynamic at fairly close quarters, and it's not pretty. Otherwise, your mother's appeasement will be the priority, and not your marriage.  


Pat: You've done the bulk of your job; Steve is 33 (not 17!), and it's time to let him go. Dr. Phil definitely hit it on the head. Steve cannot, nor should he be, at your beck and call at this stage of his life. From what it sounds like, no woman would be "good enough" for your son; after all, any of them take him away from you. He is capable of making decisions about his faith; in fact, it should be his faith, not yours transplanted. Stop blaming Kim for his "transgressions." Most of all, stop, the criticism and whining behind Kim's back!!  


The payoff "Dr. Phil" - type question is this: Is your love for your son conditional on his meeting your every expectation in terms of his life choices? I think not...If you truly want "the best" for your son,  trust his decision-making (after all, you trained him how to do so) and be supportive of his choice. Even if the worst would come to pass, and the marriage not work out, do not administer "I-told-you-so", unless you truly want him on your apron strings. 

February 22, 2006, 7:16 am CST

02/22 Wedding Wars

I feel badly for Kathy 55.  I have been married for 23 years and my mother in law still hates me, she tells my husband, my kids, my friends and family lies about me.  I have absolutely nothing to do with my husband's mother, his brother or his wife.   But, it all honesty I have learned to live my life my way and to be the best wife and mother that I can possibly be.  I think that Kathy has the best attitude...I am who I am and I will not allow another person to tell me differently.   I commend that you are able to have a relationship with your in-laws in spite of her attitude toward you.  I just wish that after 23 years I could do the same.   Keep up the good work.  At least I know how to behave when my daughter marries.  My son is autistic and my mother in law blames me for that too.  What a sad situation.
February 22, 2006, 7:19 am CST


I just read all of your messages and also went through the shows previews.  I hope all mothers will watch this show.  I think that it is extremely important for mothers to let their children live their own life.  Mothers should take it as a huge accomplishment that they raised someone so spectacular that someone else would want to spend the rest of their life with them.  I also don't understand how mothers can love their sons so much, but then interfere so much with their happiness.  A marriage should be a partnership and each person giving 100% or more.  A true mother would not except anything less out of her son, but to show and give his wife and his family the love, respect, attention, so on and so on, that they deserve.  The problem isn't the new wife it is the mother being selfish and ignorant to the fact that she will now have to look at herself and find something else to do with the time that she use to spend taking care of her children.  I'm sorry that I am being so harsh, but I wasn't so lucky.  My "ex future MIL" runined my relationship and her son let her do it.  I still to this day am heart broken that they have the relationship that they do.  It is almost sick.  He will never be able to make a family of his own.  It is almost like he has been brainwashed into thinking that his immediate family always comes first and everyone else will do nothing but hurt you.  It is that "blood is thicker than water mentality."  Which I think is just ridiculous.  We are all human and very capable of hurting each other.  His mother has stood in the way of his happiness many of times.  He just refuses to see it.  MOTHERS.....IT IS EXTREMELY SAD!!!!  LET YOUR SONS BE HAPPY!!!!  IF THEY WERE NOT HAPPY THEY WOULD NOT BE WITH THEM!!!!  STAY OUT OF IT!!!!  FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO CONTROL AND DO WITH YOU TIME!!!!!
February 22, 2006, 7:27 am CST


Quote From: romeodog

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.

I doubt you're giving your son the credit he deserves.  I hope he is the type of man who cannot be manipulated.  Is it possible you've tried to manipulate him all his life, so you naturally assume another woman would try to do the same?  If there are grandchildren now or in your future, I think it would be greatly to your advantage to make nice with your daughter-in-law.  If your son is a good husband and you make him choose, he will choose his own family over you every time.  I hope you did learn a lot from the show.  

February 22, 2006, 7:36 am CST

Take a deep breath

ATTENTION ALL MOTHERS OF BRIDES TO BE AND ALL BRIDES TO BE.....Please Please Please take a deep breath and breathe.....This is a very emotional time for both of you. I found out the hard way. My baby girl became engaged to a wonderful young man, my daughter and I began planning the wedding. The wedding we had talked about since she was a very small little girl. Shortly after that everything fell apart, we were screaming, hollaring, and cancelling wedding plans. We broke each others hearts during a time that should have been the most wonderful moment of my daughters life and the most proudest moment of mine. She got married without me, and we didn't speak for 2 years. It was the most difficult time of my life. It felt like I had lost my daughter forever.  2 years have passed, we have been to counseling, we have now learned looking back that she was spreading her wings as a woman and soon to be wife, starting to build a family of her own and I had was dealing with emotions of an empty nest and shocked to find out what my daughter and I had planned for 25 years was not what her and her husband to be now wanted. I think we are at a place now that we both realize communication is key, things do change, life is short, we do love each other so much and sometimes we really do need to step back, take a deep breath and access how important the point is we are arguing vs the price we may have to pay to be right. Was all of our arguements worth the pain we caused each other? Was it worth missing my daughters wedding?  I can tell you no, enjoy the moment ladies it will soon be a memory.  

February 22, 2006, 7:38 am CST

thought process

Quote From: romeodog

Can't wait to see this show. My family hasn't been the same since the wedding of my son to his wife. This was not an act due to the stress, it was a defiant act on the part of my daughter in law. She has totally manipulated my son's thought process. I will not interfere, but I am also not going to allow her to divide my family. Whatever advice Dr. Phil gives on this episode will be worth a lot to me.
she manipulated your sons thought process?   Why?  Because it isn't your thought process you wanted him to have?  Get a LIFE>>>>>  Cut the cord already and let him and his wife live their own life the way they chose.  Did you ever consider that although he may love you, he didn't always agree to your "thought processing" and wanted to have his own?
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