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Topic : 06/28 Family Troublemakers

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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:50:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/17) Too many of us have a relative who stirs the pot. Meet a family who feels held captive by their youngest daughter, Marcie. Russ and Cheryl say every day is tension-filled because Marcie's "Jekyll and Hyde" outbursts have them living on the edge. Russ and his oldest daughter, Carrie, issue Marcie an ultimatum. Then, Amy and Leesa believe their mother, Myra, is the quintessential "drama queen." They say her overbearing behavior and sharp tongue make family gatherings a living hell! Find out the New Year's resolution Myra made that rubbed her daughters the wrong way. Talk about the show here.

 

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February 17, 2006, 1:26 pm CST

the parents need to go to therapy with her

i love dr. phil but he was wrong abou the family of 4. 

  

she is very angry and venting because she still has not been HEARD by her family. 

if there's one thing dr. phil knows, it's that pain and rage don't just disappear, they must be addressed. 

  

she's living with her family and keeps coming back because she's seeking the stability she never had with her family and can only keep reliving the pain of abandonment and betrayal because that's how she identified family relationships. that's now her comfort zone because her parents made it that way. 

  

there are too many people of her parent's generation that simply will not acknowledge selfishness in their parenting and their children have subsequently become selfish. 

  

i think it would be best for their daughter to go far away from her parents to discover strength and stability in herself, because she will NEVER get it from her parents. that generation doesn't acknowledge mistakes. she needs to stop beating her head against a brick wall. 

  

i think she'll find the farther she gets away from her family and the more she separates herself, the more possible it will be for her to become the loving intelligent happy person she is and find real love in her life.  her family does not care about her. her sister was the WORSE she's not a peacekeeper and her family will find out that the "nice" daughter is repressing. you can already see she's eating her feelings. 

  

that girl whose angry needs to take her rage and focus it on fighting for her life for away from her family and her past :) 
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:27 pm CST

Marci the

 I am wondering WHY this young lady is so hurt? She is obviously feeling she can NOT be heard by the rest of the family. This family is completely dysfunctional, ESPECIALLY THE MOTHER, so why can't they ALL take SOME RESPONSIBILITY for their OWN behaviors rather than making the one person who is the most vocal as their scapegoat? Yes, she obviously has much anger that has resulted from her mother's neglect as an alcoholic and a father who was probably too weak and avoided the entire communication process while the girls were growing up.  Am I making excuses for Marci? No WAY! She needs to deal with her stuff now because she is an adult, of course, but I understand where she is coming from and I think what she needs is some straight, level, yet LOVING communication from her other family members instead of them reacting to her with extremes such as just coddling her with money or avoiding her. They all need counseling, I think. 

  

I know some people will undoubtedly disagree with me, but I've lived in Marci's shoes as the "identified" troublemaker when in reality I was the only one who was actually telling the truth. It wasn't until I got some major counseling that I learned to work past anger and move on into the heart of the matter which was unresolved hurt and fear. 

  

Thanks for reading my post!  

Monkey63 
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:27 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: rdslots

 Affter seeing the show this morning (9:00 a.m. EST), I was a little disappointed but I guess I forget Dr. Phil is entertainment and not counseling.  I don't know exactly what I expected.  Dr. Phil didn't disappoint me, however.  He speaks with such candor and honesty, and what I would call good, old-fashioned advice.  I felt reassured in having disengaged myself -- emotionally and physically -- from the biggest single negative factor in my own life, my mother, who regrettably refuses to seek help for mental problems, and subsequently subjects any and every one around her to her mood swings and irrational behavior.

I hope the mother and daughters will follow through with his advice to disengage from the combativeness and ugly talk and behavior.  I have never understodd what it is that makes some family members, or entire families for that matter, think a family is equated with abuse.  I can step onto the street and be abused by anyone who chooses to.  Family is supposed to be a refuge from that kind of behavior.

I am from a family that makes these on the show today look "normal," but I was lucky enough to marry into a family that was the epitome of the Beaver Cleavers.  There are families out there who love one another unconditionally, support and help, and nurture each other, who raise beautiful children who go on to follow suit and actually better mankind.  The ones like what I came from I often question why they are even on this earth, but I have come to the conclusion it is to make us appreciate the good.

I would suggest to the mother and her daughters that they pick a date on a calendar, circle it, and from that day forward, move on.  Nothing from before comes up ever again, gets re-hashed, said or done again.  My family might've stood a chance if they could've done such.  I would also ask them to consider whether the examples they set for the children (grandchildren) were what they hoped the next generation would emulate.
i agree. this girl needs to get far away from her family to find happiness.
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:32 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: papillon79

        I watched this show in hopes that I could see my situation in these guests.  I hoped to see a really bad parent and see what Dr. Phil's advice would be in dealing with them.  My mother and I cant get along if our lives depended on it.  I have tried to make peace with her but it always fails.  I am at a loss with what to do I need advice and maybe one of you may have some advice for me.  My brother and I had a not so happy childhood and I do not hold that against her.  But by her third marriage she found a wonderful man with no drug problems and was no abusive and our lives got better.  When I was 14 she decided to have more children and my little brother and sister came right after each other.  After 10 years of marriage she went back to her cheating ways.  She started making me lie for her so she could go be with her boyfriend.  I was only 16 and couldn't take the pressure so I told my step dad about the affairs and the lying.  He talked to her and she told him that I lied just to break them up, so they kicked me out.  I was living at friends house and in cars for a year when she finally told the truth to him and moved out to go live with her boyfriend.  I then moved back home to take care of my 3 year old brother and 2 year old sister.  Her boyfriend had children and she didn't want them anymore.  I have taken care of them ever since.  They grew up calling me mommy.  People always thought I was my step dad's wife.  I have gotten married and have my own home but still take care of my brother and sister that are 13 and 11 now.  I have tried to get along with her for the kids but we just end up fighting over her lack of responsibility.  This is just scratching the surface of all the things that have happened.  I just fight with her everyday even though I wont talk to her anymore, she calls my siblings and tells them to tell me things.  She calls family and tells them lies just to cause drama.  When she gets mad and you she is very vindictive.  I just don't know how to get away from someone that wont leave you alone. 

 You move away, and if you can't do that, you take out a restraining order.
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:33 pm CST

get away from your families

i love dr. phil, but i don' t think he really gets it in this case. 

  

these parents are not taking responsibility for the abuse of their children. 

  

as adults this manifests as rage and defensiveness. these parents are clearly in denial and the only way for these girls to be happy is to be far far away and disconnect from their families.  

you can't just "smooth over" or "get over" abusive relationships and i don't think dr. phil would EVER suggest that for other guests. that's a ludicrous suggestion. 

  

the truth is that these daughters are tied to their families because they are trying to resolve what went wrong in their pasts, but they need to realize these parents will not do the work that's needed to mend it.  so the only option is to forget having a relationship with their family and focus on being the wonderful, loving, intelligent women they can never be with hateful family environments. 
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:39 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: snovak126

I swear it is like deja vu today.  This girl is my youngest (19 year old) daughter.  She is a drama queen, and just today stormed out saying that she wasn't coming back, because I told her that instead of sleeping all day I wanted her to clean her room.  She hasn't worked in months and does nothing but sleep all day and go out all night. She is a pathetic, compulsive liar and we are all sick of living surrounded by her filth.  Her sister is embarassed to bring anyone over to our house as the basement they share is a pig sty and no matter what I threaten she lies and says it's clean, but it never is.  Today, I had enough and asked for her car keys and cell phone and she called me an f-ing bi---.  When I went into her room to make her get up she slapped me.  We all walk on eggshells around her, since the last time she felt neglected she took an overdose of tylenol and ibuprofin, then called me to come and take her to the hospital.  She has always been a problem but I honestly thought that after this hospitalization and intense therapy she was and is getting that she we make progress.  I am so tired of feeling like I have to be nice all the time, when she really doesn't deserve it.  This all started ,coincidently , after her 21 year old sister told us she was an alchoholic and went into treatment.  She is making great strides in getting her life in order and there is a lot of tension there as well.  She goes to the same AA group that her sister goes to, since she says she has an addiction to over the counter pain medication.  That wouldn't be so bad but she lies to these people and does things to draw attention to herself and to make her sister look bad.  She hangs on the guys there and even sneaks out and has sex with some of them.  I really think her problems are bigger than anything we've uncovered to date, but she isn't willing or honest enough to work on them with us.  I have shut off the emotion center when it comes to her, I just can't feel anything anymore.  Today when she stomped out of here, in the middle of a snowstorm with nothing on but a pair of tennis shoes and a sweatshirt, I didn't go after her.  I just couldn't do it.  Several hours later, when she returned, she walked through the house with her wet shoes on and even though I asked her to remove them she just kept walking.  I am really frustrated with all of this, but I don't really know what to do. 

Gee, I can't imagine why your daughter is suicidal.  I wonder why she says things to make her sister look bad when her own mother posts this sort of information online and says how embarrassed her sister is to bring friends home around her.  Obviously your daugher doesn't care much for her life, and why should she when she has this sort of judgment around her as support?  What led your daughter to her addictions - I doubt she just went there while you were being the perfect mother and adjusting your halo.  Basically all that is clear from your post is it would be more convenient for you if your daughter had managed to succeed with her suicide attempt - then you could mourn and martyr yourself for the rest of your life!  If you daughter ever reads this, I would like to give her the following advice:  many mothers are not equipped to have children, can't see past how cute it is, can't see individuals for who they are, and at the end of the day, are of no consequence to your well being.  She should get out of your house and seek happiness elsewhere, not because of the reasons you posted, but because you're the type of mother to go to a discussion board and post these reasons.
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:39 pm CST

OH MY!

Is it any wonder why this woman can't quite "get the respect" she thinks she deserves from her daughters?  

  

How sad to be this woman's age, raise two beautiful, intelligent daughters whom she should be SO PROUD OF, have precious grandchildren, and STILL be so stuck in her manipulative ways. How very, very sad. God help me if I ever begin to travel down a road in life that will lead me to end up like Myra. 

 
It takes just as much, if less, energy to be nice and a blessing to another person than it does to be a pain in their a**.  I don't know about anyone else but when I am on my death bed (hopefully as a very, very old woman) I will NOT be thinking about the things tha made me angry, I'll be thinking of the ones I love. 

  

  
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:40 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: herchevy

I don't think Dr. Phil gave them any advise. He told them their problem but WHAT TO DO?????

  

        There were not excatly willing too listen, they'll carry on, can't see the one daughter changing at all, she doesn't shut-up long enough too listen!   
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:40 pm CST

Dear Marcie (and others like her)

I was watching this segment of the show today and my heart went out to Marcie like no one else I have ever seen on the show. I know what it is like to be in a REALLY messed up family and be the only one with an aggressive personality and YOU are the one who is villified. While Marcie's family focussed on her bad behaviour and words, by their silence they wanted to imply that her deeds were created in a vacuum and that the family did not contribute in any way to her anger and frustration. Her words and actions, while inappropriate, were exhibited to everyone as evidence to all the show's watchers of how horrible their daughter is and how wonderful the rest of the family is for putting up with such a "bad" person. While Dr. Phil was repremanding Marcie, I saw pain, humiliation and helplessness in her face and a savage joy and vindication on her mother's. From a young age when my parents had frustrations in their life instead of dealing with the emotions in an appropriate manner it was easier for them to needle me (sometimes for days) until I would eventually lash out in pain. When I lashed out that created an opportunity for them to dump all of the emotional garbage they were feeling into a fight with me. At the end of that fight, all of the emotions that had been bothering them before were now lessened but I felt horrible for saying those things to them but also very helpless and confused because it was difficult to explain to them how exactly they were using me as an emotional punching bag. What intensified those feelings is that the emotional garbage that had been dumped on me was from the very people who were supposed to nurture and support me. When I tried to talk about my experience on what was happening, my parents would mention how much money they were spending on me as if that made it OK for them to dump on me. Because I was so unhappy at what was happening, I eventually went and sought profesional help and I was able to find better ways to deal with the frustrations and emotions. It was (and still is) a long and painful process and there have been many setbacks along the way but it has been worth it. I no longer view myself as the "bad" person in my family but instead have been able to define myself as more what I have always wanted me to be. A loving, caring person. PS - Marcie, I found that moving out of my parents sphere of influence (ie, their home) and staying financially independant was one of the best things I ever did for myself.
 
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February 17, 2006, 1:44 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

Quote From: jadeycole

THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH ANYTHING THAT SHE SAID!!!!!!  SHE IS TRYING TO HELP HER DAUGHTER WITH ISSUES AND HER DAUGHTER IS NOT ACCEPTING IT. I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND DIDNT GET TO GO TO COLLEGE, CAUSE OF FINACIAL REASONS. IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME THE MOM JUST WANTS WHAT IS BEST FOR HER DAUGHTER. THE DAUHGTER NEEDS TO GET HER HEAD OUT OF HER BOOTY AND MAKE AN EFFORT TO DO THE THINGS SHE NEEDS TO DO. SHE IS AN ADULT NOW, TIME TO START ACTING LIKE ONE!!!! MY MOM IS THE MOST WONDERFUL. WE HAVE BUTTED HEADS BEFORE, BUT I WAS A TEENAGER. THE DAUGHTER OF THIS LADY NEEDS TO GROW UP AND ACT HER AGE BEFORE THINGS GET BAD. YES THERE MAY BE DEEPER ISSUES BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN TO FORGET ABOUT YOUR MOTHER THAT HAS BROUGHT YOU TO WHERE YOU ARE.  

WOW!!!! THAT FELT GOOD TO GRIPE!!!! 

This woman's daughter may need a whole lot of things, but what she and no one else needs is a mother who's prone to implying her daughter is a psycho on a public message board, causing more damage than good, solving nothing.  You're lucky your mother is wonderful.  I suspect this other daughter is not so lucky, from what her mother has chosen to say out loud.  The "poor me" aspect of parents is appalling nowadays.  If you're not in it for the long haul, don't get into it at all.
 
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