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Topic : 06/28 Family Troublemakers

Number of Replies: 197
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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:50:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/17) Too many of us have a relative who stirs the pot. Meet a family who feels held captive by their youngest daughter, Marcie. Russ and Cheryl say every day is tension-filled because Marcie's "Jekyll and Hyde" outbursts have them living on the edge. Russ and his oldest daughter, Carrie, issue Marcie an ultimatum. Then, Amy and Leesa believe their mother, Myra, is the quintessential "drama queen." They say her overbearing behavior and sharp tongue make family gatherings a living hell! Find out the New Year's resolution Myra made that rubbed her daughters the wrong way. Talk about the show here.

 

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February 17, 2006, 4:05 pm CST

Unconditional Love

Quote From: kanario43

Wow, did Dr. Phil evoke old memories.  I had an aunt who was an expert family troublemaker.  My sister and I decided we would not have that in our branch of the family, distanced ourselves from her poison and learned how not to fight.  We did just what Dr. Phil recommended.  Sometimes you have to walk away or 'turn off your ears' but if a troublemaker is ignored all the drama and adrenalin the troublemaker enjoys is turned off too.  It seemed my aunt was jealous of everyone else's joy and tried to destroy it, even with her own kids.  Now that I am more mature I realize she must have been a miserable human within herself. 

Thanks to Dr Phil's progam of Feb.17th. I have the relief of knowing I am not an enabler, just a 

non confrontational person.   Unless I have contributed to or can help resolve the problem I 

choose not to take any one else's problem personally.   The mercy and unconditional love I  

get from my heavenly father  I try to show to others.  Aren't we blessed to have Dr Phil? 

 
February 17, 2006, 4:27 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

My problem is with my father.  We have always had a strained relationship due to his lack of time spent with me as a child and the numerous affairs he had on my mother when I was growing up.  Now since my mother passed away suddenly in 1998 he has been dating.  Its not that fact that he dates or so much that he started dating within a month of her death, its the type of women he dates.  They are drug using(crack, herione prescription), non-working bums that suck him dry of all his finances and seem to get him in trouble.  He says that he is not using drugs, but I don't understand why someone would "hang" with those types of people if they are not using themselves.  The man is 54 years old, and I feel like I am parenting him.  It has caused me a lot of stress in the past.  I even went 6 months without talking to him while I was pregnant with my first child.  I was even ready to forgo our relationship for good, but we still talk a few times a month and he is not aloud to discuss his personal life.  It saves me from lecturing him and I am less stressed as a result.  Its his life and he can do what he wants I suppose, but I don't have to hear about it.
 
February 17, 2006, 4:39 pm CST

You are so right

Quote From: juliebgg

I know Marcie was hurt by various things that happened in her family, but I too felt that she was not even willing to listen to what anyone, including Dr. Phil had to say.  She interrupted nearly every sentence that anyone else was speaking.  I hope that for the whole family's sake that they can get help AND  LISTEN to eachother so that the sessions are productive.  Meanwhile the parents need to stop enabling the disrespect....even though Marcie was hurt by her parents in the past, she is now an adult and needs to act like one.

Marcie is an adult and she needs to stop being so judgmental.  She is totally unwilling to listen to anyone talk but herself.  The truth hurts.  Nobody is perfect, and she should be supporting her mom, her dad, her siblings-whomever-not giving them grief for what she perceives to be their shortcomings.  I hope one of her double majors isn't in "communications". 

  

Furthermore, if someone has a behavior you don't like, be it drinking, smoking, etc., constantly nagging them about it is not going to make them change.  It's also not your business to do so.  Worry about your own behavior and let other people worry about theirs.  I'll never forget giving my mom grief about her smoking on what turned out to be her last night on earth.  That was one of the last things I said to her.  It wasn't worth it. 

 
February 17, 2006, 4:54 pm CST

02/17 Family Troublemakers

I just wanted to thank Amy and Leesa for their courage do describe their true feelings about the negative relationship they have with their mother.  Leesa particularly touched my heart because I know how much it hurts to have such termiol with your mother.  The things Dr. Phil discussed really helped me and it wouldn't have been possible to hear without your courage to come on the show.  I hope that continuing in the therapy advised by Dr. Phil really helps you.  Thearpy has changed my relationship with my mom and my life.  Best of luck.
 
February 17, 2006, 4:56 pm CST

Marcie You're Awesome

Marcie you are a real sweetie, I could feel your frustration that people were not listening to you.  They were too busy blaming you.  How ridiculous!  I hope you find people who really do love you and care about you atleast as much as they care about themselves.  People who actually think about what you may be feeling not just themselves.  Even if you are extremely kind, courteous, and polite to that family they will still blame you, they'll just make stuff up.  It's become a habit.  If I'm nervous or upset I'll just think about something I can blame Marcie for to distract myself. 

  

You really are a good person and probably are known for treating other people well.  Just remember to be patient and kind even when they're being jerks, but keep yourself from being harmed.  Find other sources of joy and fulfillment.  I wish there was a way to help people not become so  fault-finding.  You might ask your family to start noticing how often they find fault with you and how quickly they think they do it and maybe they'll realize that they have gotten into a habit. 

 
February 17, 2006, 5:00 pm CST

Is that my mother?

Oh my gosh!!!!!! that is all i can say about todays episode!!! I swear that Mya and my mother are realated!!!!! That is my mother sitting on that stage I swear! when her daughter told the story about what she had said about her husband, 'are you really going to marry that bastard' and Mya said she did not say that, oh my gosh! that is soooooooo like my mother, some of the most dramatic events in my life have been revolved around somthing she said that to this day she says 'i didnt say that', how in the world does she explain away the drama of the situation she can create by just using the most horrible words, i mean these are words that looking back  now I know for sure changed my life, yet she can just turn to me and say 'I never said that.' and it becomes my problem because then it just floats in my head.  Did it really happen? is she right, did she not say that? how do you go on with your life when the things you belive happend, you have someone who was there saying it didnt? 

 
February 17, 2006, 5:11 pm CST

It hurts worst when it is family

I liked how Dr. Phil said that the two daughters just needed to look at Myra as a bitter unhappy woman. That is what we would think of anyone else unrelated to us. I believe that we rely too much on DNA commonality for a sense of family. I have had to learn that the hard way, the people that have hurt me and stabbed me the most are family members. I also appreciated Dr. Phil voicing that we have to have standards on how we will be treated when we let anyone come into our lives be it family or friends. I have always found it ironic how some will take the abuse from a family member but will not take it from a "friend" or just anyone off the street. This is a hard lesson that I have had to learn for myself. I am currently taking the steps of not allowing myself to be a victim anymore, which is easier with children because I refuse to let them experiance what I did because I too would not stand against what is wrong.  

  

I am bothered by people refering to Dr. Phil's show as entertainment, anyone who finds these issues entertaining either lives in Pleasantville or Empathy impaired. For those of us who have experianced this issues there is nothing entertaining about it, if we could pick our own lives we would choose something pretty peachy. Just give it time and I am sure for those of you that are entertained will soon become educated and aware.   

 
February 17, 2006, 5:19 pm CST

Every family has one....

Quote From: kanario43

Wow, did Dr. Phil evoke old memories.  I had an aunt who was an expert family troublemaker.  My sister and I decided we would not have that in our branch of the family, distanced ourselves from her poison and learned how not to fight.  We did just what Dr. Phil recommended.  Sometimes you have to walk away or 'turn off your ears' but if a troublemaker is ignored all the drama and adrenalin the troublemaker enjoys is turned off too.  It seemed my aunt was jealous of everyone else's joy and tried to destroy it, even with her own kids.  Now that I am more mature I realize she must have been a miserable human within herself. 

  

Same aunt in my family.  The description of Myra is uncanny: bitter, judgmental, jealous (even of her own kids), raving gossip, pot-stirring, totally obnoxious.  Just watching Myra cry and say she's "doomed" or everyone is against her - what a crock!  I call it the MARTYR SYNDROME.  It's all for attention.  And don't bother saying anything to her because she's always right.   

 
February 17, 2006, 5:26 pm CST

Family issues

It is very sad, to me, to see a mother treat her children as this mother does. The language, names and lack of compassion she has for her grown daughters, and son-in-law is a distressing site for me. Does she not appreciate her daughters, they may not be perfect, no one is, however the mother is the adult in this situation and has to take the lead in developing a relationship with her daughters (should have been doing this from the day they were born).  She is lucky she has them. I have never been able to have children with my husband. We have a daughter who we adopted at birth, she is loved very much and always feels cared for and listened to. I cannot imagine anyone having children, and not really caring about them, or being a compassionate mother to them. 

I cannot comment on Dr. Phil's comments because I am not a psychologist or counsellor, I will leave the expertise to him, however I have added my personal thoughts on this situation.  

My unprofessional comments are: this unhappy, overweight, self absorbed mother must stop and think what she is doing to her daughters, also she must think of who will take care of her as she ages and needs support from them. Will they treat her, in her time of need as she has treated them. With no compassion, no support and lack of love as she can no longer take care of herself. 

good luck to this family I hope they can work things out. 

 
February 17, 2006, 5:30 pm CST

How many family's are like this?

I could not believe my ears today.  I love the Dr. Phill show, it is so practical and leans so much on just common sense.  I have a mom that is overbearing and also needs to start contraversy.  I love it when Dr. Phil says that Anger comes from one of 3 things, Hurt, Fear, attitude.  Boy is that true.  Everytime we get together there is alwas DRAMA when it comes to my mom.  This past August we decided as a family to STOP the vicious cycle.  If it wasn't me getting yelled at by my mother it was either my brother, or other family members.  God told us to turn the other cheek but He also said don't let it keep happening.  This past August we had a beautiful event in our family.  Our eldest son married the love of his life.  He requested on thing, that my mother not be invited.  He wanted to have one time in his life when there was not family tension, and that everyone would not be walking around on egg shells.  WE have to say it was the best event of our lives not having to deal with the DRAMA.  Not putting up with it.  Like DR. Phil said today, if you don't react what does the person have to fight with you for.   There is a lot of history in our family, parents divorced, kids seperated at a young age, it always seemed unclear to me to why us kids had and still have to pay for a decision our parents made.  Stop putting your kids, whether they are children or adults in your Drama over decisions you made about your own life.  I also love the fact that the one young woman said RESPECT is earned not just given.  Why do parents feel they deserve to be respected?  Because those parents that are truly respected earned it.  Dr. Phil, keep giving the advise that gives people hope and also, peace of mind. 
 
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