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Topic : 09/06 Mr. Mooch

Number of Replies: 271
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Created on : Friday, February 10, 2006, 12:48:25 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/15/06) Dr. Phil talks to women who are the family breadwinners and are sick of living with freeloaders. Sarah says she's tired of supporting the man in her life -- and she's not even married to him yet! Her fiancé, Dan, worked just four weeks last year -- and only because he was ordered to by the courts. Sarah constantly begs him to get a job, has kicked him out three times, and says that if she doesn't hide her purse, he'll steal her money! Should she walk down the aisle with a man who wanted her to buy her own engagement ring? Then, Tricia makes three times as much as her husband, Glenn. She also does all the housework, takes care of their daughter and manages the finances -- after working a 12- to 16-hour day. Will Glenn ever step up to the plate? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.


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February 15, 2006, 8:27 am CST

Women who tolerate moochers


Why do so many of us women have such low self esteem that we will settle for so little from a man !!!???    Ladies, Ladies,  you deserve better!!!   You don't need a man to complete you !!!  Start thinking of yourself and do something productive with your life.  This years can never be brought back.  Once you've thrown your life away on worthless men,  what are you going to have left???  Regret, regret, regret, regret !!!!!!!!    

February 15, 2006, 9:22 am CST

Moocher husbands

I have a husband who is also a moocher. And I am tired of it. Three years ago "we" bought a house. No sooner were we moved in and settled in, he decided he wa going to quit his job and become a internet marketer and become rich. He stated in his decision," I refuse to work for and answer to anyone." He did this without even consulting me and the expectations that were to be put on me. I have worked 2 jobs to keep evrything going, and without him wiping me out financially. Yet, I am the one who is accussed of not being supportive of him. I pay it all, the morgage, utilities, ect, plus feed his fat face , and everything else he expects from me. I am emotionally and physically drained. He refuses to get a part time job as it would be an embarrassment to him in front of his friends and family. He throws temper tantrums and makes threats and such if I don't bale his own mess out financially. "I work 60-80 per week. He absolutely refuses to help around the house. He goes 3-4 days without a bath and wonders why I am no longer allowed in my bedroom and for the past year have had to sleep on a couch.He won't even clean his own bathroom and change the sheets on the bed for months. I am now seeing the consequences of hs actions. I am slowly being ruined in my credit and such, but thankfully it will take minimal hard work to clear that up. I could have had half of my house paid off these past 3 years from all of the hours I had to work. He has cost me SEVERAL thousands of dollars as I look at it, but he doesn't care. I am tired of all the manipulation and conning. I do know I will no longer tolerate it, and I will have to still work my rear end off so I can at least try and rebuild myself financially, emotionally, and physically. 

So, I am done being the mommie of this relationship. I hope others can learn from my mistakes of not kicking him out and listening to my intuitions about him.  

I do know I will never get married again as he has left a bitter taste in my mouth and cost me a lot of trust issues. 

February 15, 2006, 9:29 am CST

Can't wait to see this one!

I have a couple of friends who have this issue with their men, can't wait to see the episode.  Will report back later.
February 15, 2006, 9:31 am CST

Stupid female behavior

Its embarrassing to see a woman behave the way Sarah does.    She "loves" him?????   Does that mean that she has no control over her actions and that she is sentenced to a life of making stupid decisions????    Sarah obviously see something in this jerk that we all don't see, but that doesn't mean she has to be controlled by her emotions.   Frankly, she's so stupid and not willing to wise up, she deserves what she gets (or doesn't get which is more likely with this loser).   The women's liberation movement supposedly empowered women to be the most that they could be.   I'm not a "libber" and never was, but really, Sarah, has set all women back 100 years in the progress we have made to stand tall and proud and be an EQUAL in what can be a most wonderful relationship with a man.    If she does marry this guy, I hope she has the sense not to bring children into it or the cycle will repeat...she will raise girls who give their power away and she will   

raise sons who don't know how to treat a woman.    I frankly have no pity on her.   Someone somewhere asked her for her pride, and she gave it away very cheaply.    

February 15, 2006, 9:36 am CST

ms Mooch

I am married to a woman that has 4 kids by her ex-husband, and two of the 4 are like sponges sucking the life out of our relationship. 

The next to the youngest is 28 tyrs. old, and was married to a fellow, and they lived like rats in their home. He didn't work for several months and we had to pay their bills, and ours. I stayed with them for 2 months while I was transitioning to another job in their area, and the house was so filthy I couldn't even eat  there. The floors in the bedroom was so dirty, I had to lay a blanket down so my feet wouldn't stick to the floor when I went to bed. I would eat at a restoraunt on my way in from work, and stay out looking for a home to make an offer on until late. 

Anyway, she moved in with me as soon as I found and purchased a home. My wife was finishing her job for the move up here with me. She brought all her habbits with her, and then she quit her job and stayed out all hours of the night, not trying to better herself in any way. She destroyed my kitchen every time I would clean it, the bedroom she was using has been wrecked, the carpeting has been stained beyond shampooing, left garbage laying everywhere. She just had no respect for me, my home, my good nature, and I told the wife either she goes or I go. You don't have to live with someone who doesn't give back. It took me years to learn that if you are putting all the effort, then you are the loser in the long run. 

The wife and I just about divorced over this, and she knew I would've divorced her the next month if her daughter didn't move out. I had a talk with her dad, to see about her going there to live, and he said "you are a better man than me, I don't think that would be a good idea". so I was stuck until I put my foot down on the back of both their knecks and said it's time for a change. You know, a weght lifted off of my head and shoulders, I almost started dancing. 

The wife still has bad feelings over the situation, but I don't care, I finally said NO, and thats final. 


February 15, 2006, 10:01 am CST

The Ultimate Mooch

Does anybody out there know if there is something I can do or say to help my daughter realize her worth and her husbands wothlessness???  My daughter was 17 when she met this guy but didn't tell us his true age -- 27 at the time.  Now she's 20, he's 30 and hasn't held a job for more than 4 months.  They got married 2 years ago without telling us -- unfortunately in Colorado all you have to do is sign the license and you're MARRIED.  No ceremony, judge, notary, nothing needed, just sign on the dotted line!!!  They have moved more in 2 years than I have my entire life (52 years) -- and some of the places have just BROKEN MY HEART.  She had a great job while in high school and lost it after hooking up with him.  Then she layed out for almost a year not working -- like HIM.  And she wasn't raised that way.  She never saw her father or I lay out -- we have hundreds of sick hours and weeks of annual leave built up in our jobs.  This slug has been the worst influence on her.  Her dream was always to be a Marine Biologist but she'll never make it as long as she's with him and nothing we've said has convinced her.  We've bought her groceries on numerous occasions because we learned she had nothing -- it's hard not to when all you can think of is your child might be hungry.  I wish I could get her some time with Dr. Phil -- maybe he could help her realize her worth -- without the SLUG!  I just pray every day that she doesn't get pregnant!!!  A very frustrated mom! 

February 15, 2006, 10:05 am CST

To Sarah

Sarah - this is wrong in absolutely every way.  I understand you may have some sort of love for him.  However, if it's based on wanting to save him from this life he's created, that is absolutely not your responsibility. 


One of my favorite quotes is "is that the reason, or the excuse".  By allowing him to continue using you, you are giving him a reason and excuse to continue drinking with no consequence, not look for work, not contribute in any way to your life or his. 


A very close friend of mine married a man like yours - less than a year later he left her for someone else he could take advantage of - someone who had no expectations of him.  Sooooo, she (and her children) are victims, and he will continue down the same bath, creating the same sadness with another woman. 


I hope you will make the right decision for yourself.  You are absolutely not responsible for his weaknesses.  Just ask yourself - if you somehow lost your job, would he be capable of stepping up to the plate to take care of you (and himself)??  My guess is no.  You're a bright amazing woman who will go far with the right man at your side.  This "man?" will just hold you back. 


Good  luck! 

February 15, 2006, 10:26 am CST

I have been there, and done that.......

......and the main moocher divorced me, married elsewhere, and is now dead .......and I am alone, wiser, definitely sadder, and identifying completely with the program today. Oh - I followed the ideaology that the best revenge is a good life - but when he died, I lost my mission of proving to him what a jerk he had been! Whew - that was a real eye opener. If I had it to do over - it would require that I be as smart "then" as I am "now" .........but when we are in the moment of attempting to create an adult/adult situation out of a parent/child one, we are in a life threatening whirlpool. BTW - my moocher was not only underemployed - but he was also an alcoholic. Just color me STUPID!!!!
February 15, 2006, 10:33 am CST

Yee Gawds!

Sarah is not only supporting his lack of employment she is supporting his alcohol problem. I believe that is called ENABLING.   Sarah is into a 'habit' of having someone to come home to and fears change...even if it's for the positive!  I'm sure she can afford to take a day off, fill up 21 grocery bags full of his personal effects, line them up on the sidewalk and change the locks.  Oh...put the vehicle in the garage so he doesn't take one of her vehicles to venture off and find another sucker.  It makes me wonder if Sarah is attracted to men that 'need' her rather than being attracted to men that 'love' her.  She is a wonderful caretaker and maybe should get a few kittens or maybe a least they will appreciate her!    Sarah is in a rutt with this man and it's time to CLEAN HOUSE. 

February 15, 2006, 10:42 am CST

Been There, Done That

Quote From: mrspies

I don't think Dr. Phil got to the real problem with this lady.  She has such a low self-esteem and low self-confidence that she does not want to be alone at any cost.  She couldn't say she wouldn't marry him only that she couldn't marry him "this way".  She needs counseling to understand what her real issue is.  Unless she does, she'll be in another relationship as soon as this one is over because she's afraid to be alone.  I've been there..."No one will love me...I'm not pretty enough...I'm not smart enough..."  Some people need to be loved and unless they know the root cause, life will be hard.  Counseling is her key.  It was mine.

I, too, have "been there". My 1st husband skillfully covered up his mooching under the guise of being a student wanting to be a (fill in the blank, which would change just short of the previously stated goal). For me, though, the charm wore off after 10 years of marriage and a reaction of "my life is over" to the news that we were expecting our first child. Now, he has conned Wife #2, and is trying to convince our pre-teen daughter, into believing that his 6 years-plus of studies over and above a Master's degree (to end "in a year or 2") will allow him to fulfill his "lifelong dream" (the 3rd one in as many decades). Meanwhile, he's months behind on his child support, and collection agencies have called me looking for him. Beware the "professional student"!! 


Hopefully, Dr. Phil got through to Sarah concerning her self-esteem issues. I concur that she needs to understand her real issue(s), probably through counseling, elsewise she will wind up out of the frying pan and into the fire. I could have ended up in that same position; the gentleman who expressed interest in me while I was going through the divorce from the ex ended up filing for bankruptcy (his own irresponsibility with credit cards) shortly after I took a job in another part of my home state.  


Happy ending: I remarried several years ago to a salt-of-the earth type man who adores me, my daughter, and our year-old son. 

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